Jerks

AT&T sold you out.

So did Google.

Jerks.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Consider your options."

Sort of Like a Joke

There's this site where they sell what they call "Right Wing Stuff", see, and they're apparently trying to engage in political satire.

I know for a fact that there are funny conservatives. I've read P.J. O'Rourke's stuff, and he's pretty good. But these guys literally don't seem to understand the concept.

They know, for instance, that satire often involves taking a familiar statement and rearranging the words a little, or substituting different words, so they create "Feminism is the radical notion that feminists are women".

Um, well, not all of us, no, and anyway, weren't you trying to make some kind of a joke? Preferably with a serious political point behind it?

They go on like this, T-shirt after bumper sticker after coffee cup, and I keep on scratching my head, thinking, "Do even people who still support Bush like these things? Do they think people will think they are funny?"

Puzzling.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I don't know either."\\

One Last Chance

That dirty little crook Bill Frist is pulling one more scam, rushing to a vote on Samuel Alito's appointment to the Supreme Court on Monday afternoon.

Ron Wyden, (202) 224-5244, is my Senator, and I'm phoning him to thank him for pledging to vote against Sammy the Kingmaker, and urging him to go for the filibuster.

You should find out who your Senator is and urge him/her to do the same.

Now, while it's still not too late.

Later, after it is too late, go to Patch Adams's web site and find out what you can still do to make the world a better place.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Mixed signals".\

January Sky

I was riding my bike home at the end of a night shift. The sky was clear and Venus was high and bright as a morning star. I stopped by the side of the road, looking up at that bright, beautiful beacon, and wept.

No, that didn't happen on January 28th, 1986.

It was February 1st, 2003.

But that was when I wept for both crews.

And for the rest of us.

//The Magic 8-ball says, "Don't mourn. Organize."\\

Family Values

U.S. troops are kidnapping family members of Iraqi resistance fighters.

And what are they doing with them...?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Are you sure you want to know?"\\

Unreasonable, Not Probable

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. "

What part of this does General Michael Hayden not understand?

Pretty clearly, it's the "probable cause" part.

Does anybody still think these people are conservatives?

Is it time to question their patriotism?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You already know the answer."\\

A Whiff of Justice (Not Around Here)

Change comes rapidly across latin America, in spite of a U.S. administration that would rather it didn't.

Meanwhile, Linda Loaiza's case continues to grind slowly, slowly through reluctant Venezuelan courts. No, it's not all over and done with.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Be patient".\\

Open Net, Insert Boot

The Internet the way it is now, only faster, would be cool.

The Internet as a spiffy high-speed corporate-media venue...not so hot.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You know what you should do."\\

People Oughta Do Stuff

Wal-Mart oughta stop sticking the taxpayers for their employees' health insurance.

Election officials oughta protect the integrity of the ballot.

Kathe's son Jake thinmks people oughta check out David Perdue's Charles Dickens page. Certainly people who like Dickens oughta.

People who like angels, vampires or other seducitve creatures with wings oughta check out Donna Barr's collection of watercolors at http://www.flickr.com

Bush oughta find a new game to play.

You oughta be impressed by what people can do with just (stacked-up) pennies.

Yahoo and MSN oughta borrow Google's pair.

Once in a great while, you really oughta forward one of those "forward this to everyone you know" e-mails.

And yes, I oughta do a post that isn't just a bunch of links people e-mailed to me, but hey....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do what you can."\\

Industorious Indeed

Check out Yugo Nakamura's Industorious (sic) Clock.

Taking It With You

Kathe's son Jake sent me this link, and appended this comment:

"Mr Pizer, please wake up now... You've been frozen for 150 years, but your
Cryo company went under about 80 years ago. Actually that company has been
bought and sold a number of times. You actually spent a few weeks in a
meat locker in Chicago until a new facility could be found. Unfortunately
we were legally obligated to dip into your "inheritance" to pay for
emergency cooling and relocation. You still have a few dollars left, but
after converting them into American Yen, it looks like you will have to go
back to work. Mr Pizer? Are you listening to me? Ah... yes, where is the
rest of your body? Well, you see after the last market crash the Cryo
industry was forced to make a few, um, cutbacks. What now? Well, Mr.
Pizer, you've lucked into a wonderful Brave New World, you know. You've
been assigned to the circus with all the others. You'll be pulled by
trained monkeys round the ring on a special cart along with the other
heads. It doesn't pay all that well, but it will keep the feeding tube
flowing and cover any back taxes owing. And it does make the children
laugh! Mr. Pizer? Now don't be angry with me Mr. Pizer..."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Go check with my Cousin Television, see if Futurama is on."\\

A Miner's Life

Miner's life is like a sailor's
'Board a ship to cross the wave;
Every day his life's in danger,
Still he ventures being brave.
Watch the rocks, they're falling daily,
Careless miners always fail;
Keep your hands upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

You've been docked and docked, my boys,
You've been loading two for one;
What have you to show for working
Since this mining has begun?
Overalls, and cans for rockers,
In your shanties sleep on rails.
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

Soon this trouble will be ended,
Union men will have their rights,
After many years of bondage,
Digging days and digging nights.
Then by honest weight we labor,
Union miners never fail;
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

In conclusion, bear in memory,
Keep the password in your mind.;
God provides for every nation,
When in union they combine.
Stand like men and linked together,
Victory for you will prevail,
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

CHORUS:
Union miners, stand together,
Heed no operator's tale;
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Prospects murky."\\

Why DeLay Any Longer?

When we have Roy Blunt, John Shadegg and John Boehner to handle Tom DeLay's corruption-as-usual?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Honesty is the best policy".\\

WeirdSat

I'm sure I've seen at least one SF magazine cover with a ghostly image of an empty spacesuit on it....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Truth is stranger than fiction".\\

A Cleansing Rant

The Rant of the Year.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "And what are you going to do about it?"\\

Say No to Alito -- Someone Might Even Listen

The sunrise was beautiful this morning. Even from street level it was gorgeous, and from up here in the lookout tower, it was miraculous.

I haven't read Samuel Alito's entire resume. It's sufficient to me that he bragged in his resume, applying for a job in the Reagan White House, that he was a member of Concerned Alumni of Princeton.

In fact, it's enough for me that he applied for a job in the festering pit of corruption and incompetence that was the Reagan White House, but that's another matter.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You don't have to eat the whole egg to know it's rotten."\\

Surprises

I was surprised by a conversation with a classmate the other day. I observed that for his birthday this year, Dr. King was getting Samuel Alito, and she said, "Who?"

I got as far as saying that he was Bush's current Supreme Court nominee and she said, "I don't have any interest in politics." I'd heard people say things like that before, but this time I was really struck by how far apart her view of the world is from mine. To me, a mentally-sound adult who has no interest in politics is as odd (and possibly as reprehensible) as an able-bodied adult who has no interest in working.

I pressed on, pointing out that Alito is expected to be the swing vote to overturn Roe v. Wade
, and she said, "I'm absolutely pro-life, but I don't think that's ever going to happen."

I was polite, and refrained from pointing out that it's pretty damn easy to call yourself "pro-life" if you presume that the issue will never come up in real life.

She's a young single woman. I could have said some things that could have really hurt her feelings. But I didn't.

But I was surprised.

On the lighter side, it's also surprising how few people are aware that The Matrix is a remake of a 1975 TV-movie. Alas, in those days the special effects were not really up to the task, as you can see in this musical interlude from late in the film.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "People go to Hell for lying, you know."\\

Break Out Those Band-Aids

Kathe sent me this:

"The Huffington Post has learned the Bush administration recently asked high ranking military leaders to denounce Congressman John Murtha. Congressman Murtha has called for the Bush Administration to withdraw US troops from Iraq.

The Bush Administration first attacked Rep. Murtha for his Iraq views by associating him with the filmmaker Michael Moore and Representative Jean Schmidt likened him to a coward on the floor of the House of Representatives. When those tactics backfired, Dick Cheney called Murtha “A good man, a marine, a patriot and he’s taking a clear stand in an entirely legitimate discussion.” Though the White House has backed off publicly, administration officials have nevertheless recently made calls to military leaders to condemn the congressman. So far they have refused."

So, faced with an outbreak of integrity and loyalty to their real friends among the military brass, what's the Administration to do about John Murtha?

Why, swiftboat him, of course!

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "There is someone else you should be asking."\\

Something Funny For a Change

There's a searchlight over near the OSU campus, making a beautiful display against the low-lying clouds over Corvallis. I sit here in the lookout tower and think about Judge Samuel Alito, and find that I don't feel up to saying anything about him. Especially since the gastroenteritis has already made my stomach pretty delicate. I'd rather write about something funny.

Like a hidden canteen in the form of a beer belly. Well, I think it's funny, anyway.

And it's not the only funny thing to be seen at Gizmodo, either.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Smile, though your heart is aching."\\

Cruel Mockery

But well deserved.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "True."\\

Staggering Off to School

But managing.

Last week, in a comment, Peni Griffin mentioned frequent consultation of baby name books (knowing her, that would be for the names of characters, rather than the other kind of baby). Here's another source.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Excuse me, I'd prefer to be known henceforth as Beige Toaster."\\

Intestinal Flu is No Fun

It turns out that what I should have been afraid of is not going back to school, but being too sick to go to school on account of intestinal flu.

Intestinal flu is no fun at all. But, with phenergan and a liter of normal saline, I'm feeling good enough to sleep instead of just lying here whimpering, and that's a big improvement.

http://3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592.com/

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "22/7".\\

Back to School Tomorrow

Only slightly scared.

I found this while cleaning out my e-mails today, something Tamrof sent me awhile back. I don't know how old it is, or where Tamrof got it, but it seems especially apt right now, as senior Republicans start saying the "I-word" out loud:

Subject: Breaking News from Congress

Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to
overseas interests as of August 31st. The move is
being made to save not only a significant portion of
the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a
record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-Wash.). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government
Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of
American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds
noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for
some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President
as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a
month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, he will be
working primarily at night, when few offices of the US
Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President
someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most
topics of concern. Using this tree, he can address
common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for
years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240
dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as
his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical work experience.
One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National
Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely
be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr.
Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the
Baghdad Airport's
terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have
asked to be provided with details of his arrival so
that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You wish."\\

Numbers

What are the latest poll numbers on impeaching Bush?

Who knows?

Gallup won't poll on the subject unless it comes up in the media, or in Congress, they say. And of course the media have no numbers on impeachment sentiments since there haven't been any polls.

But now impeachment is being talked about in Congress.

And in the media.

So maybe now we'll get some numbers.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The numbers which count are 218 in the House, 67 in the Senate."\\

God's Alphabet

Here are some of the puns.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "1,2,3,5,7,11,13,17,19,23...."\

Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking

http://www.humanclock.com/clock.php

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Tick...tock...."\\

That Seven Things Meme

1. Seven Things To Do Before I Die

1. Finish Winter Term 2006 of nursing school.
2. Finish Spring Term 2006.
3. Finish Fall Term 2006.
4. Finish Winter Term 2007.
5. Finish Spring Term 2007.
6. Pass the NCLEX.
7. Receive Oregon nursing license.

Check back with me in the summer of 2007 and I might have a more varied and interesting list.

2. Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Dressing changes
2. Insulin mixing and administration
3. Nasopharyngeal suctioning
4. Tracheostomy care
5. Administer nasogastric medications
6. Discontinue a nasogastric tube
7. Insert an indwelling catheter

I cannot do any of these things because I haven't been vetted on them by my clinical advisor.

3. Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging

1. Saying what I want about politics, morals and culture without getting any e-mails that say "Please remove me from your mailing list".
2. Having a URL to link to when I post a comment at Pandagon.
3. Getting comments on my blog.
4. Reading the blogs of people who make comments on my blog.
5. Reading the blogs of people who comment on the blogs of people who comment on my blog.
6. Saying what I want about politics, morals and culture without getting any unsigned letters that say "I no were you live fagot your a dead man".
7. Uses less paper than zinac.

4. Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. "Hello, this is John Burt" (telephone greeting)
2. "I love you, sweetie." (said to Kathe)
3. "How are you feeling right now?" (said to people whose health actually interests me, such as family members and massage clients)
4. "Can I do anything for you?" (said to people for whom I am providing care as a CNA)
5. "Pshhhhht!" (said to misbehaving cat)
6. "Would you like me to rub your shoulders?" (said to anybody who's standing still)
7. "Life goes on." (usual answer to "How are you?")


5. Seven Books That I Love

1. Missing Man by Katherine MacLean
2. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein
3. The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
4. Metropolis by Thea von Harbou
5. Last Call by Tim Powers
6. The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. LeGuin
7. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

6. Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again

1. 2001
2. Dr. Strangelove
3. Bananas
4. The Great Escape
5. The Shadow
6. Joe's Apartment
7. The Bride of Frankenstein

7. Seven People I Want To Join In Too

1. Kathe.
2. Peni R. Griffin.
3. Francine Taylor.
4. Floofus.
5. Waldy.
6. Supergee.
7. Mom.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I'm going to close my eyes and count to seven, and when I open them, you will have asked me a different question."\\

I'll Cat Blog When I Feel Like it, Thank You

One disadvantage of coming up here to the lookout tower to do my blogging: sweet little Mouse won't come sit in my lap.

If I were sitting at the computer on the second floor, with the massage studio to my left and Waldy's bedroom behind me, Waldy's half-grown kitten Mouse (a gorgeous ghost tabby) would come and jump in my lap. She might be cuddled up between my belly and the keyboard this minute.

After careful consideration, I have finally decided on the most egregious hypocrisy of American foreign policy since the end of the Cold War.

That being the position, shared by Republican and Democrat alike, that the whole world should have free trade...except in agricultural products.

In other words, "Let's have a completely level playing field in the free exchange between the U.S. and Ethiopia -- of manufactured goods. Let DVD players, designer jeans and computer software flow freely in both directions."

The law in its majestic equality....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You already know what you should do."\\

Breaking News: Mathematicians solve evolution debate

From a comment on a rare open thread on Pharyngula:

In the ongoing confrontation between science and religion over evolution there has been little progress until today, said leading mathematicians. At the crux of the debate is whether, as the scientists put it, the earth is 4.5 billion years old and life today evolved from primitive forms; or, as the Christian conservatives say, the earth and all beings on it were created six thousand years ago by God. In recent years the struggle has focused on the teachings of our origins in public schools and religious conservatives have put forward the "intelligent design" hypothesis as an alternative to evolution, demanding that it be taught along side Darwin's theory.

Now, in a brilliant synthesis, hailed as a breakthrough on both sides, mathematicians have stepped into the fray with a unifying hypothesis. They first note that both sides agree that the earth and its inhabitants are very complex. Then, drawing upon the well-established theory of complex-valued functions, they propose an earth model that brings both viewpoints into a complete theory. Since complex-valued functions (like complex numbers) have both real and imaginary parts, mathematicians suggest that it is the real part of the earth that is 4.5 billion years old while the imaginary part was created just six thousand years ago.


//The Magic 8-Ball says, "In other news ... "\\

Aphorisms For The Cynical

[Relocated from 6:54PM, 19 December 2005]

Found at Stone Mirror:

# A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course, so does falling down a flight of stairs.
# Never say die. I've tried, and it doesn't actually make people die.
# Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.
# Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.
# It takes a village to raise a child to hate all of the people in the next village.
# The key to someone's heart is never lost: It's just that the locks were changed 'cause you're some sort of psycho.
# You have to learn to crawl before you can grovel.
# If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you're probably the executioner.
# Every dog has his day. Of course, his day consists of smelling other dogs' butts.
# You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince. But he probably isn't going to be interested in some frog-kisser.
# True beauty is on the inside, where no one will ever see it.
# One person can make a difference, if that person is, like, Bill Gates or whatzisname, the speaker of the House of Representatives.
# Aspire to greatness. But remember that no one ever assassinated a refrigerator repairman.
# A high tide lifts all boats, except those with a big gaping hole in the bottom.
# There are none so blind as those who have been in an accident at a fertilizer factory.
# You can run but you can't hide, except apparently along the Afghan-Pakistani border.
# Say not that honor is the child of boldness, nor believe that the hazard of life alone can pay the price of it; it is not the action that is due, but to the manner of performing it. You got all that? Me neither.
# You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many people who can fly.
# Every failure is a step to success up a ladder that will eventually collapse under the weight of all those failures.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Yeah, right."\\